Lego Man speaks

        

Lego Man speaks! Marty Fugate listens

By Marty Fugate , Herald-Tribune / Friday, October 28, 2011

This roving Sarasota Herald Tribune visual arts reporter was pleased to be granted an exclusive interview with the Lego Man. The following is a portion of our frank discussion.

So, you're the Lego Man?

That is not quite accurate. I wish you to refer to me as "Lego Man." There is no definite article in my performance artist name.

You're a performance artist?

I am a serious performance artist.

But you're always smiling.

It is the way I have been made.

Please tell us about your performance art.

I wash up on various beaches then pose for photographs with pretty girls.

I see. Uh, does this relate to saving the whales?

No. I hate whales. They have an undeserved positive reputation. They are called "killer whales" for a reason, you see.

Why do you do it?

Have you heard the term "plastic people" ....?

Yeah. Frank Zappa. That's from his Absolutely Free ...

Spare me the dated music trivia. This does not concern me. I wish merely to say that the expression "plastic people" is a term of insult. Ever since the 1960s, this term has spread. "He's so plastic." "Let's ditch these plastic people and grab a beer at Growlers." Hate speech of this nature fills my ears and I have finally said too much!  For this reason I create my performance art.

You're drawing a line in the sand.

Yes. And the line is myself.

What do you feel about the new Legoland theme park?

A sense of existential nausea and dread.

Uh-huh. And that's why you washed up on the beach?

That's exactly why. It is an act of protest!

Come on, this isn't a publicity stunt?

Yes, of course. A publicity stunt for my plastic brothers and sisters in chains. Do you know what Lego means? The word itself?

I ...

Your ignorance does not surprise me. Well. The term "Lego" derives from leg godt -- in Danish this means "play well." Are they playing at this so-called "theme park?"

Yes, they are playing. People are having fun!

Yes. The meat people. They play! But not the plastic people!

I see you feel very ...

This interview is over! And you can kiss my shiny ...

Sadly, at this point the digital recording ends. Despite the cultural misunderstandings, we wish our plastic visitor only the best. Plastic people are not a drag. They're our brothers and sisters. And we really can get along.

Play well.