Thursday, December 29, 2005

Go west. Go 7 light years west.

Now, how the hell did he do it?

Let's assume humanity manages to turn the earth into a dead fish tank. We have the tech to go to a nearby star system with shitloads of planets and moons, terraform those babies, and resettle there.

It's your pioneer situation. I.e.: it ain't fun.

Chances are, the pioneers would speak some garbled, rough-and-ready lingo.

M'luv, obaachan wen bungie jump dis ohio. Wat!?! Azfoo!

A mash-up of tongues a la Gaff's "Cityspeak" in Blade Runner.

Of course, nobody in the 21st century would understand a solitary slovo.

So, letting some screenwriterish approximation of oldwesternese and Chinese stand for the future slang is the next best thing.

OK, Joss.

I'll buy it.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Rufus T. Firefly

OK. Have purchased aborted first season of Joss Whedon's "Firefly" after falling in love with last year's "Serenity."

Didn't know movie was picking up from dead TV series. Didn't watch the gorram series. I knew it would suck intergalatic donkey dong. In advance. So didn't watch it.

See, here's the deal.

I fucking hate "cowboys in space" on a basic conceptual level.

Science fiction (SF) should be science fiction. I.e.: SOMETHING OTHER. Something outside human experience. Not the same everyday crap blown up against the hurricane fence of our everyday shitty lives, only projected into space or other dimensions.

Which is basically all Lost in Space did ...

Department stores in space! Hippies in space! Juvenile delinquents in space! Pirates in space! Cowboys in space!

Fuck that shit.

Or Outland? Peter Hyams says "Behold, nothing up my sleeve. I will now pull a science fiction movie -- out of my ass!"

The audience gasps ...

It's High Noon in Space! Wow! How did he do that?


There is nothing, nothing that could possibly EVER get me to watch a cowboys in space movie or TV show without projectile vomiting.

But Joss Whedon did.

Sunday, October 2, 2005

Serenity Prayer

Just saw "Serenity" with Andrew. Damn.

Somebody shoulda propped open George Lucas' eyes like Alex in A Clockwork Orange and forced him to watch it.

See, George? That's how it's done.

It's called a story, George. A story.

Viddy well, O my brother.